It has now been confirmed that openly gay Northwestern senior, Jake Halloway, has officially decided to go back in the closet; a move which could prove challenging considering he’ll be playing the role of Dorothy in the Cincinnati Playhouse production of “Wicked” this summer.

“Between the Prop 8 debacle and Adam Lambert losing American Idol three nights ago, I realized this country simply isn’t ready to embrace the homosexual community,” says Halloway. “So I’ve decided to go back in the closet…at least until a gay man either becomes president of the United States or wins American Idol.”

Unfortunately, even while in the closet, Halloway was never quite good at concealing his true identity. In his elementary school production of “Peter Pan,” Halloway was the only Lost Boy to accessorize his costume with a matching knapsack, claiming that he “needed somewhere to put the fairy dust.” And he has made no attempt to hide the fact that “Billy Elliot” has consistently been on the top of his Netflix queue for over 3 years.

But despite the fact that all of Halloway’s family and friends already know that he’s gay, he will attempt to go back undercover and hide his sexuality. Over the next couple of weeks, he will be selling his Kate Perry concert tickets, trading in all of his H&M buttoned downs, and finding a naïve freshman girl to be his official “beard.”

“It’s never easy being a closet homosexual once you’ve already announced to the world that you’re gay, especially when you invite 500 of your closest friends to your coming out party, which clearly no one is going to forget because the Bette Midler cover band I hired was out of this world,” says Halloway. “But I don’t think coming out of the closet has to be a one-way street. My closet has always had a revolving door… Seriously, my walk-in closet at home literally has a revolving door. It’s completely impractical as far as closets go, but extremely effective when used as a metaphor for my transitions in and out of homosexuality.”

– The Shmaily, C.J. Pumpernickel