15: That is the number of other students I saw walking through Northwestern’s extensive underground tunnel system this winter.
7,985: That is the number of students who chose to walk to class on Sheridan in the freezing cold instead of using the heated tunnels.
2: That is the number of sentences in this article that will begin with a number purely for dramatic effect, not including this one.

So where the hell was everyone this winter? Northwestern has these beautiful, recently renovated underground tunnels that connect every major building on campus, but so few students take advantage of them. I guess Northwestern doesn’t do a great job of advertising them, but you’d think more than 15 people would venture down to see what they’re all about.

You see, in the 1960s, Northwestern spent roughly 8 years and 74 million dollars to create an elaborate underground tunnel system, referred to as Operation NUTS (Northwestern Underground Tunnel System). However, things got a little hairy for NUTS around the time of its launch seeing as it went 73 million dollars over budget and was then immediately panned by the student population and seen as an architectural disaster by people who judge architecture. The Washington Post called it a “glorified sewage hole” and the New York Times dubbed it, “The Underground Failroad.” Even underground-tunnel-enthusiasts received it with mild indifference.

The tunnel system was then largely ignored until 2006, when the university decided to spend a large chunk of endowment money on renovations, because in tough, economic times, heavy spending on frivolous things is always the best option. The university thus installed an underground central heating system as well as airport-style moving walkways that span from the arch to Patten. These moving walkways make for a much quicker commute from south to north campus (I can now get from Harris to Tech in 45 seconds without moving my feet), and provide a pleasant relief from the 30 mph arctic winds blowing across Sheridan during the winter months.

I therefore find it a little weird that so many people insist on bearing the cold when we have such a convenient and warm alternative right below us. Also, within the last year, the tunnel system has steadily expanded, with the additions of Evanston’s first literal underground bowling alley, located directly below Deering Field, as well as an Au Bon Pain that opened up underneath the corner of Foster and Sheridan, which by the way, makes the most delicious apple strudels. The underground (tunnel) music scene has been a little slower to take off, but that’s mostly because Northwestern students are terrified of anything that doesn’t sound mainstream, which explains why WNUR is so wildly successful.

While NUTS may have been a concrete mess 50 years ago, it can now effectively revolutionize the way you travel around campus. It’s truly one of the best-hidden gems of Northwestern, along with the water fountain on the second floor of Allison. So why not venture down to the Norris Underground where the tunnel entrance is located, and follow my lead. Please, let me be your Harriet Tubman. You won’t be disappointed.

– The Shmaily, C.J. Pumpernickel